Is your Mom Anemic?

The Lifeline of the Family

“We appreciate your will to donate. But we are sorry, unfortunately we can not take your blood.”

“But…”

“You are anemic madam. Please consult your doctor. Thank you.”

This happened a few years back when my friend’s mom found out that she was anemic in a blood donation camp. First of all, what is being 'anemic'? An anemic condition is when the number of blood cells is less or when the hemoglobin content is low. A simple survey with those who around you, would show that women are more anemic compared to men. The biological reasons include pregnancy and menstruation. But other than the natural bias there is a ‘cultural’ reason too and this post is about that.

 “Poor diet” is one of the major reason for the iron or vitamin deficiency anemia. But how is that only women get a “poor" diet in a house where men don't have this problem? You would know the answer if you closely observe the hierarchy created by culture which is followed in our houses when we eat. Let’s assume the case of an elemental family consisting of father, mother, sons and daughters. The hierarchy is that the father eats first, and then the sons, and then the daughters and last of all is the mother. Why are we following this? Many would say that this is what happening for ages or simply say “I don’t know”. But the logic is simple. The father is the breadwinner of the family, so for the good of the family he should eat “well”. Second in line are the sons who are the future breadwinners. The daughters eat next because they should learn that this is the way (that men should eat first) they should behave in the house they would go soon. Finally after serving everyone, the mother eats what ever is left over. Eventually no one is worried what she eats or if there is sufficient food for her. And when the food is certified as tasty, mothers part theirs to others so that others can enjoy what she has cooked. This might not be an exact hierarchy. But every family that I have seen has almost a similar order where the males of the family eat first and then the females. This happens even in joint families with a slight change in the order that elders eat first.

Culture is that very brilliant and gives lame justifications for all it does. Woman should eat after man because that would make her “ideal”. Also it is said that the food left over by the husband on his plate is “tastier” than the normal food. How can the same food become tastier all of a sudden? Real stupidity. But this is very much internalized by women themselves. One of my cousin never used to even “touch” the food from other plates. But after her marriage I noticed that she practiced what she used to call “disgusting”. This was all because of the 'premarital training' my aunt gave. Though outwardly it is womanliness personified, this is just one form of patriarchy through the agent called culture.

Few days back while having tea with my friends, we ended up talking about vegetarianism. A friend of mine told me about a peculiar practice by her caste. It was like this, all the females of the caste are vegetarian and males are allowed to eat non vegetarian food. Strange isn’t it? More strange is that women, who don’t eat them, cook these foods for men. I was really astonished when I heard this. Patriarchy rooted to its core. No wonder she is from one of the backward districts of Tamil Nadu.

More worse is the condition of poor vegetarians. When the vegetarians don’t take even the milk products properly, they land up with this type of anemia called ‘pernicious’ anemia which is somehow related to the deficiency of Vitamin B12 (Vitamin B12 is present in only meat and animal protein foods).

More than all this there is a serious question that whether mothers eat? It is not that moms don’t eat “properly”, it is that they don’t eat “totally” when they should.Mom is the lifeline of the family. No one in the family knows when she gets up and when she sleeps but every work is done for everyone on time. For her, to eat is a like any other “work”. It is actually a disturbance to many of her other works. She would rather concentrate on other works as there is no one else to look into and that she can eat later or “adjust”. Then comes the practice of sending petitions to God above through what is called as fasting. Moms fast for many reasons. That her child should be in good health, do well in the exams, or get an IIM seat, or get a job, if there is a job should go to onsite, or get married soon, if married should bear a child soon and the list goes on and on and on. Also Moms don’t eat because every problem of the family literally runs over her head. Maybe her husband’s work tension, or a financial crunch, there maybe a quarrel between the father and the son, or the daughter has a quarrel with her husband, or her son is working late in office and the like.

Before writing this, I asked some of my friends if any of their moms were anemic. Some of them said yes or that they were in the past. Some didn’t know if their moms were. And some, even their moms, didn’t know what is being ‘anemic’. Being anemic is not taken that serious because it is not like being with cancer or any other big disease. We always want something to be big to give attention to. Small things go less noticed or unnoticed. And that culture is so inextricably tied to our lives, together with an ever-changing fast world things really go unnoticed.

To conclude…. Ah... No I don’t want to give an emotional conclusion for this post and end up in tears. It is up to you to conclude or decide what the best is to be done for someone who always wants the best for you. 

[I do not have a scientific evidence for what I have said. This is just an assumption of what I have observed. But still there is a strong feeling that this could be a reason]